It’s review time here at The Lego Car Blog, but unusually we’re not reviewing a LEGO set, because we – and a few Elven stow-aways – took an exciting trip to the Legoland Windsor Resort!

First opening in 1996, Legoland Windsor is located just outside Windsor in the south east of England and is now the UK’s post popular theme park, with a huge 2.4 million people visiting per year. That’s even more than the original Legoland park in LEGO’s native Billund.

Comprising of several hotels, miniature golf, and the park itself across 150 acres, there is a lot going on, and we’re focussing on the park today.

Arrival by car is relatively easy, with the magic beginning at the roundabout just outside the entrance, which features a few life-size brick-built deer recreating those that inhabit the surrounding royal forest, and making it much more interesting than the faded road signs, garden centre sponsorship, and ‘We Clear Your Junk’ posters that usually adorn the UK’s junctions.

The magic ends in the carpark however, which features nothing LEGO-y whatsoever, unless you count painted concrete blocks. A missed opportunity.

Fear not though, because it restarts a short walk up the hill to the entrance, which not only includes some impressively large models, but a view across the whole park beneath it, Windsor Castle (the real one), and – on a clear day – the skyscrapers of London beyond.

This view is afforded by the park stretching across a plain below the entrance, which is accessed by either the Hill Train or a switchback walk. The train runs regularly and has lots of space for wheelchairs and buggies, and has been pulling itself up and down the hill for nearly thirty years.

Which brings us to a notable deficiency of the Legoland Windsor park… its age. Well, not its age per-say, but its upkeep.

Back in the early ’00s The LEGO Company was in deep financial trouble, and thus it sold its theme parks to Merlin Entertainments to raise capital, who have since (in Legoland Windsor’s case) done a tremendous job increasing visitor numbers. But a terrible one painting a decorating.

The Hill Train (the first thing most visitors will ride) is faded and rotting, and where it deposits you (the iconic Miniland brick-built world) is little better. There are new models here (as it has evolved alongside the cities it recreates), including a fantastic space shuttle that blasts off every so often, but most models have stood since 1996. Which means today they are looking very tired indeed. One advantage of the passage of time however is the landscaping, which was exceptional at the park’s creation and has matured wonderfully in the three decades since.

Anyway, on to the rides…

Like Miniland, many of the rides at Legoland Windsor go back to the park’s creation, and include the Dragon Coaster at Knights Kingdom, the Jolly Rocker in Pirates Shores, and the Driving and Boat Schools. The latter are looking tragically tired, even wearing the remnants of some long obsolete sponsorship deals, as are the fun-fair rides outside Heartlake City, although the harbour town itself – having been renovated more recently (or at all) – looks rather lovely.

The breadth of rides on offer at Legoland Windsor is excellent, varying in type, theme, and height requirement, meaning there is plenty on offer for even the smallest of visitors. They also give a glimpse back at some of LEGO’s past themes, even the bad ones, with one of our favourites being the Deep Sea Adventure; a ‘submarine’ ride with no height restriction that gives visitors a close up view of real sharks, rays and fish, and Ninjago the Ride; a 4-D interactive dark ride in which you battle various attacking monsters. We think we lost a few Elves in that one…

Queues for these when we attended out-of-season were minimal, however in the summer holidays we expect they would be horrific. Fortunately part way along some of the queue lines there are trays of bricks for play, which we expect are lifesavers for parents of bored children.

Many rides also include wonderful large models in keeping with their theme, with those from the park’s early years charmingly simple, and models at newer rides quite remarkably intricate, with the Flight of the Skylion particularly jaw-dropping.

But herein lies the problem with Merlin Entertainment’s takeover of Legoland Windsor. Newer rides and models are spectacular. Older rides and models are… forgotten, fading, and broken. It feels as if in chasing profits over magic, every single decision is made solely on the basis of income.

A prime example is the Vikings Splash ride that closed a few years ago. It was one of the largest rides in the park, and sits right alongside the Hill Train as it descends, meaning everyone passes it. Surrounded by wooden fences the drained and dead ride is a most un-magical sight, and yet it would take very little to create a little wonder; a few large brick-built mini-figures working away on demolition, swinging a brick-built wrecking ball, blowing it up with TNT and so forth. Minimal cost for a little magic, but we suspect that any cost at all is not in Merlin’s rulebook.

Food is frighteningly expensive (absolutely, without question, bring your own), and at peak-times we expect price-per-ride would be too. Conversely when we visited off-peak, the price-per-ride is very good, but there were also no shows at all, because again Merlin don’t deem it worth putting one on for children out of season. Finally, a £12 charge ($15) to park a car – when there is no other way of getting to Legoland Windsor – frankly feels like exploitation.

It’s a shame, because Legoland was (and still can be) one of the most magical and thoughtfully created children’s theme parks in the world. It just needs its owners to remember who they’re working for.

★★★